Carter's Christmas
by Mulderette
Summary: Carter is involved in an accident.


Title: Carter's Christmas  
Author: Lynne Facella  
Disclaimer: All ER characters are the property of Warner Brothers, NBC, etc.  
Spoilers: Through All in the Family  
  
  
"Where the Hell is Carter?" Kerry Weaver angrily crutched her way through the emergency room. It was a total madhouse. The patients waiting in chairs were overflowing, some angry, some just resigned to the fact that they would be waiting around for hours. Young children were seated on the floor. People unlucky enough not to have a chair were pacing the floor or leaning against the walls. It seemed that everyone in Chicago had come down with a bad case of strep throat or the flu.   
  
"I'm sure he's on his way, Chief," Dave Malucci said, grabbing another handful of charts. "I hope so for his sake," he murmured under his breath.   
  
"What did you say?" Kerry cast an angry look at Malucci who withered under her gaze and fled to see some more patients. He was sure glad he wasn't Carter.  
  
"Don't people go away for Christmas anymore?" Mark Green asked, wearily rubbing the back of his neck as he looked at the board. "Or did they all just decide to come here this year?"  
  
"Have you heard from Carter?" Kerry snapped. "He's almost 45 minutes late."  
  
"No. I haven't heard from him, but it's snowing pretty bad out there, Kerry," Mark replied. "I'm sure he'll be here shortly."   
  
"He'd better be." Kerry lividly went off towards Exam 3. It was the day before Christmas and it seemed that all Hell was breaking loose.  
  
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John Carter nervously glanced at his watch and then back at the road as he drove through the blinding snowstorm. He hoped the ER wasn't too busy or Dr. Weaver was going to have his head on the chopping block. A movement off to the side caught his eye and he glanced at a group of kids who were sledding. They would slide down the snow-covered hill, then steer over a sharp turn towards the bottom to avoid flying out onto the street. John wondered what kind of parents these kids had to be allowing them to do this kind of a dangerous stunt at all, never mind in the middle of a storm. He had no sooner finished his thought when one of the boys did indeed miss the turn and his sled went bouncing out into the middle of the street. John desperately turned the steering wheel in an attempt to avoid hitting the boy. His jeep swerved to the left, but John couldn't control the angle and he spun right into the path of an oncoming truck on the opposite site of the road. Neither driver had a chance to avoid the inevitable. John heard the horrifying sound of crunching metal, felt a sharp pain in his head and everything went black.  
  
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"Come on people, we have an MVA coming in," Kerry yelled.   
  
"Hey Chief, can I help?" Malucci asked eagerly, desperately wanting to avoid looking at another infected eardrum or sore throat.   
  
Kerry nodded at Malucci who shot her a grateful smile.   
  
The first victim was wheeled down the hallway. He was a middle-aged man who was alert and talking. "He didn't want to hit the kid. I saw him coming, but I just couldn't stop, ya know? Is he going to be all right?"  
  
"Luka, Abby, you take that one," Kerry commanded. "Malucci, you're with me.   
  
Kerry and Dave trotted towards the second victim and both stared in shock at the unconscious form of John Carter lying on the gurney.   
  
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John opened his eyes and looked around in confusion. All he could see was white, everywhere. He had no idea where he was or what had happened to him. He felt like he ought to be worried about this, but found that he wasn't. He was curious about where he was, but yet felt a strange sense of peace, one that he had not experienced for a very long time. It was almost as if someone had swooped down and swept all his troubles away. He peered off into the distance and could see a figure approaching him. Patiently he stood and waited until the man drew closer and stopped in front of him. As John studied the man, he saw that he was looking at someone who looked amazingly like an older version of himself.   
  
"It can't be..." John whispered, unable to take his eyes off the man.  
  
"Hello little brother," Bobby said with a smile. "It's been a long time."  
  
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Kerry watched until the elevator door closed carrying Malucci and Carter upstairs. She had instructed Dave to stay with John and inform her immediately of the results of his tests. She started walking back towards the ER when she heard someone running up behind her.   
  
"Kerry! Kerry!"   
  
Kerry turned and saw a frantic, out-of-breath Peter Benton running up to her. "I just heard," he said, breathing heavily. "What happened? How is he?"  
  
"He's still unconscious Peter. He sustained a trauma to the head, some broken ribs and he dislocated his shoulder again. I just sent him up for x-rays and a head CT."  
  
Peter closed his eyes momentarily, trying to digest Kerry's words. "How did this happen?" he asked quietly as he fell into step next to Kerry.   
  
"According to the other driver, John was trying to avoid a boy who flew out onto the road on his sled. He must have lost control of the jeep and spun into the other side of the road." She was still trying to get over the shock of looking at the gurney and seeing John's still form. She had been walking around screaming about him being late while he had been lying unconscious in his mangled jeep. Seeing John in this state also brought back the horrible visions from Valentine's Day, when she had walked into Curtain Three and found John and Lucy lying on the floor in puddles of their own blood. Kerry suddenly turned back towards the elevators. "I need to go get the contact numbers for his family."  
  
"His family isn't here," Peter said, stopping her by putting his hand gently on Kerry's shoulder. "His grandparents went to visit Carter's parents, somewhere in Switzerland, I believe."  
  
Kerry nodded silently. That explained why John had volunteered for Christmas duty. Though now he was going to be spending the holiday lying in a hospital bed.   
  
"I...I need to get back to work," Kerry said shakily. "It's crazy down here today and..." She had been going to say they were now short Carter and Malucci, but she couldn't utter the words. It hadn't been necessary to send Dave upstairs, but she had just felt better doing so.   
  
"I'm off duty now, Kerry," Peter began. "Why don't I stick around and help you out down here for a while?"  
  
"Are you sure, Peter?"  
  
"I'm sure." Peter nodded. "I'd like to stay anyhow, see how Carter makes out."  
  
Kerry nodded gratefully and the two headed back to work.  
  
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John moved towards his brother, aching to take him into his arms after all these years, however Bobby held up his hand, stopping him. "You can't touch me, Johnny."  
  
"Huh? What? I don't understand."  
  
"Come on Johnny," Bobby said with a chuckle. "Surely you've figured out where you are?"  
  
John thought for a moment then looked wide-eyed at his brother as the realization came to him. "I....I'm dead?"  
  
Bobby shook his head. "No John. You're not dead. Call this, for lack of better words, a kind of a meeting place between two worlds. "Here you'll decide whether you want to live or die."  
  
"I get to decide?" John asked. He stared at his brother again, hardly able to believe this was happening. "Why do you look like that? I...I didn't think spirits or angels, whatever you are, I didn't think they actually aged."  
  
"We don't age here, John." Bobby said, smiling gently. "You made this image yourself. This is what you would expect me to look like if I had grown up. I can be whatever you want me to be."  
  
John nodded, feeling positively bewildered. He stood there silently for a few long moments, wondering if this was some kind of a bizarre dream he was having. "Um...how've you been, Bobby?" he finally asked.   
  
"Fine John, I'm fine," Bobby replied. "Of course I miss you all terribly, but I keep tabs on you."  
  
"You do?" John was intrigued. "How?"  
  
Bobby waved his arm and a small opening came out of nowhere, almost like a television screen. John looked into it and saw himself lying in a hospital room with Dave at his side. "Your head CT's negative, Carter. That's good news," Dave said, lightly patting his arm. "You're going to wake up any time and you'll be as good as new."  
  
"What happened to me?" John asked, still staring at the image of himself and Dave on the screen which suddenly blacked out. He turned back towards his brother. "What happened?"  
  
"You don't remember? You were on your way to work. A boy..."  
  
"He was on a sled," John interrupted as the memory suddenly came flooding back. "I didn't want to hit him so I swerved. There was a truck...What about the other driver, is he okay?"  
  
"He's all right, John. He feels bad he couldn't stop in time."  
  
"Yeah, well it was my fault, not his."  
  
"It wasn't your fault, John," Bobby said softly. "You need to stop beating yourself up about things. Not everything is your fault."  
  
John took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He had a feeling Bobby was no longer talking about the accident.  
  
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"Why isn't he waking up, Mark?" Kerry asked. "All these damn tests are negative, why the hell isn't he waking up?"  
  
"You know head injuries can be tricky, Kerry," Mark said slowly. "Some things just don't show up on tests."  
  
"What if he never wakes up?" Kerry asked, her voice breaking. "Why do these things keep happening to him?"  
  
"I don't know. We just have to have faith that he will wake up and that he'll be okay."   
  
"God Mark, all I could think about this morning was how I was going to give him hell the minute he got here. What was I thinking? Carter isn't late very often. I should have known something was wrong."   
  
"Kerry, how would you have known? It was a *very* bad morning. You were stressed. You don't have anything to feel guilty about."  
  
Kerry just shook her head and walked away from Mark. She prayed that John was going to be all right.  
  
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"You're talking about Lucy, aren't you?" John asked.  
  
"You know I am, John." Bobby's eyes were full of compassion as he looked at his younger brother. "What happened to Lucy wasn't your fault. You need to try to let go of the guilt and move on with your life. Lucy doesn't blame you for what happened."  
  
John laughed bitterly. "How do you know what Lucy thinks?"   
  
"I've spoken to Lucy."  
  
John took a few moments to digest that, staring at the whiteness swirling around his feet. He finally looked up at Bobby, his face filled with pain. "Bobby...Can I...Can I talk to Lucy?" John asked pleadingly.  
  
Bobby shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry John, you can't do that. Only a family member can come here to lead you into the afterlife. You'll have to wait to speak to Lucy until...until after you've crossed over, whenever that may be..."  
  
"So in order to talk to Lucy, I have to die."  
  
"Yes." Bobby nodded.   
  
John gnawed at his lip as he thought things over. Finally he looked up at his older brother. "Thank you, Bobby. You've helped me to make my decision."  
  
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Kerry sat by John's bedside, her fingers curled around his hand. She was watching him very closely, hoping for any sign, a moan, a movement, anything at all that would indicate he was regaining consciousness. It was almost midnight. By some sort of unspoken agreement, staff members had been coming in and sitting with Carter in shifts. Earlier in the day, Jing-Mei had come in with a small Christmas tree that was now sitting on the nightstand beside John's bed. People had come in and out all day, bringing ornaments, garland, a string of lights. There were a couple of Christmas bouquets, some balloons and even some gaily wrapped gifts under the tree. Under any other circumstances, the room would be considered festive.   
  
"Any change?" Startled, Kerry looked up to see Peter.  
  
"No...no change," Kerry said with a slight frown. "I didn't expect to see you back here tonight."  
  
Peter shrugged. "Yeah, well Carla has Reese tonight. She's bringing him to me tomorrow afternoon. I'm all set with his presents so I just thought I'd come back and see how Carter was doing."  
  
"I don't know Peter," Kerry said with a hitch in her voice. "I really thought he would have come around by now. He..."  
  
Peter awkwardly patted Kerry's shoulder. "You should go home, Kerry. I'll stay with him. Go home and get some rest."  
  
"Soon...," Kerry said, nodding. For some reason she felt unable to leave just yet. Looking at the clock she saw that it was midnight. "Merry Christmas, Peter," she said softly.   
  
"Merry Christmas," Peter echoed. He pulled up another chair and silently sat down on the other side of Carter's bed. He just hoped that it really would be a merry Christmas.  
  
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"You're sure about that, John?" Bobby asked quietly.  
  
John nodded quickly. "Yes, yes I'm sure. It's not like it would matter much anyhow. Mom and dad...they wouldn't miss me all that much. Everyone would get over it."  
  
"That's a little unfair, don't you think?"   
  
"Come on, Bobby," John scoffed. "If what you say is true, if you've 'kept tabs' on things like you say, then you know how little contact I have with our parents. They probably wouldn't even notice I was gone."  
  
"I'm not going to make excuses for our parents, John. I can see that they're not really here for you when you need them, but what about Gamma? What about your friends?"  
  
John felt a pang of guilt as he listened to Bobby. It was true that if something were to happen to him, it would most likely break his grandmother's heart.  
  
Bobby could see from the look on John's face that he was starting to waver. "Do you really think it's fair, John, to put your colleagues through that? After what they had to go through already this year? They lost Lucy and they almost lost you too. You can't tell me they wouldn't care. You know damn well that they would."  
  
"I don't know..." John said, an element of uncertainty to his voice.   
  
"Let me show you something that may help you change your mind." Bobby once again revealed the window allowing John to view what was going on back at County. He once again saw himself lying in a hospital bed. Kerry and Peter were with him, both looking extremely worried. He could see that someone had taken great care to decorate the room. Christmas things were everywhere.   
  
"Your friends and colleagues brought all those things." Bobby answered John's unspoken question. "Everyone is really worried about you. You mean a lot to an awful lot of people, John."   
  
"But what about you? What about Lucy? I've missed you, Bobby," he said with a tremor in his voice. "You can't imagine how much."   
  
"I think I can," Bobby said, a sad smile on his face. "But John, I'll be right here, waiting , whenever the time is right for you to come here, and then we'll be together forever."  
  
"Okay," John said, shutting his eyes momentarily and taking a deep breath. "I'll go back." When he opened his eyes, his brother was gone. He was once again alone.  
  
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Peter sat rolling his shoulders slowly in an attempt to loosen them up. It was almost 2:30 a.m. He stood up and glanced at Kerry who looked utterly exhausted. "I'm going to go get some coffee," he said, raising his hand to his mouth to stifle a yawn. "Can I get you something?"  
  
"No thank you, Peter," Kerry said, shaking her head.  
  
He was just about to go through the doorway when he heard Kerry urgently calling him. "Peter, come back here!"  
  
He quickly turned around and saw Kerry intently studying Carter's face. As Peter turned his attention towards Carter he noticed Carter beginning to stir.  
  
"John, John can you hear me?" Kerry asked as she gently brushed some hair off his forehead.   
  
Slowly John opened his eyes, blinking against the unaccustomed light. "What...what happened?" he asked, looking from Kerry to Peter in obvious confusion.  
  
"You were in an accident, Carter," Peter spoke soothingly. "You're going to be fine." He then proceeded to perform a brief neurological check which John passed with flying colors. "Good," Peter said, satisfied. "You're doing well."  
  
"The other driver...is he okay?" John asked as memories of the accident started to become clearer.   
  
"He's fine, Carter. Don't worry about that."  
  
John gave a slight nod as he glanced about at all the decorations. "How long have I been here for?" he asked, a little apprehensively.  
  
"Just a day," Kerry said as she squeezed John's hand, giving him a warm smile. "You had a lot of visitors. You had us pretty worried."  
  
John thought back to what had perhaps only been a dream, but for some reason it was very real to him. The things that Bobby had shown him were all present in this room. He didn't know how he could have known that if it hadn't really happened. He felt a rare sense of comfort and well being to believe that his older brother was up there somewhere, watching over him.   
  
"Thanks for staying here with me." John said, giving a grateful look to Kerry and Peter. "It's kind of nice to see how much everyone cares."  
  
"You know we do, Carter," Peter said, patting John's shoulder. "We just want you to be okay."   
  
John nodded sleepily. "I will be," he murmured, "I'll be okay. Unable to keep his eyes open any longer, he drifted off to sleep.  
  
"Yes you will," Kerry said, her voice barely above a whisper. "We'll see to that."  
  
"Merry Christmas, Carter," Peter said, a look of relief evident on his face. He looked over at Kerry and the two of them shared a smile. It was going to be a merry Christmas after all.  
  
  
The End  
  
  



End file.
